The vacation euphoria has finally waned and reality of daily grind has smacked me around a bit. I can tough things out normally, you get attuned to the ebbs and flows of life, but last night I vapor locked as my hubby calls it. I was the deer in the headlights. I could not complete sentences. The bubble I surround myself with burst and all I could do was go to bed and see what I woke up to.
It wasn't like I was diagnosed with some fatal disease. It was the culmination of my own emotional energies around a wide variety of situations and tasks coming at me. A lovely woman from work died leaving her 12 year old son with no parent, I prayed for that boy and cried for him. She was younger than myself, and you feel that" live your dash" tugging at you. A man that used to come to our church passed away, and they needed to use our church for the memorial, we have no pastor currently, so it is a bit of a flurry to get organized, and I wondered about him and his life. We are currently working with Mayo clinic to help a loved one deal with deciphering what physical and mental issues need to be addressed. So many forms and processes to maneuver through. Relatives want this and then that, can you do this? Car needs to get fixed and an oil change. We need groceries, pay bills, need to weedwack those weeds. I need to clean and get ready to host a wedding shower, and looking at the "office mess" put me right over that edge. I wanted to help at VBS this year....Good grief, get a grip girl, this is not that big of a deal!
But my brain, my emotions said slow down, your going too fast, you got to make the morning last girl. I love that groovy song. So before I woke up I asked God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my Angels, Spirit Guides, my Moms, Sis, Friends all in another slice of this or some other dimension to help me, and then I wrote it out here, and that helps. I heard don't overthink it, step back and just be.
So I can see the sunshine coming through the doorway now, asking me to just go stare at the bugs flying in the light for a few moments, birds chatting, and breathe deeply, give those emotions some time to express themselves, breathe.
Dang if Chaos and my bubble didn't collide again. I am grateful for the warning, and the remembrance that the light always soothes my soul, and I can feel I am on way back to some emotional balance for today anyway. I am also going to find some good old tunes to listen to later, those oldies help my emotions find their place. It would also be wise to ask and accept help from those in my own slice of dimension, yes Ma'am, now another piece falls into place!
Traveling away from the farm and normal routines expands ones horizons and is just good for the soul. This vacation got me to a really good place. It was a joy and only one moment of spousal discord while we adjusted to be "around each other so much". We unwound, relaxed, no schedules, we meandered daily on foot all over Charleston. Four miles a day felt so good. Explored the creativity of humans here, in art, antiques, food, clothing, and the joy of children splashing in the fountains, laughter, being on sea water, watching HGTV when it was hot and napping, see my hubby finally RELAX, it was all spectacular! I am still pumped a week later.
I am a curious creature by nature. I love the feeling of wonder and and my place in it. Everything that surrounds us is magical much of the time, and the creator of all this, well just WOW! I am so humbled and enthralled to be alive right now. How perfectly imperfectness creates such diversity, it goes beyond my ability to digest it in my thoughts at times, also perfect, because it probably should not even be thought about, just breathed in and breathed out. It feels like Wheeee!
Have you ever felt like the past, present and future are all right now? I had that feeling, I wish I could be eloquent in explaining it, it's so cool. While the history of places and people sort of merge with the movement of natural surroundings and the faces you see, and the feeling of hope is generated by those faces and the changes around you, and you just know it is all good and all will be OK. For all the angst in the world, it feels like in every moment there is the flow of goodness bubbling up and moving us in the right direction, contrary to what we normally hear I know!
I experienced an air craft carrier, crawled inside the Apollo 8 capsule, and submerged myself in a submarine. It was a tad exhausting realizing what happened in these spaces and to the people in them. I also felt an appreciation for the challenges the human spirit encounters and how we find a way to survive and even thrive. I am however, not a fan of conflict.
Sea life is precious. Dolphins playing around the harbor, storks diving into the water, bugs flying around as the waves ebb and flow, lap and crash into the rocks. Sitting on the swing on the pier, swaying with the ocean breeze, snuggled up to my honey, eyes closed, and listening to sounds of this place, was the perfect end to our time there. Just ahhhh.
Coming back to work at home and the job is just fine too. I feel good, more content. I highly recommend getting away to explore, even if it is the arboretum down the dusty road (which I have done since I got back, to get the nature nurture again) as things have "popped" up to deal with again. Nature soothes my soul, and I had forgotten that gift. Yay for today! I wish I could give you this gift, you deserve it!
Life on Gravel
About the Author
City girl sharing stories of a life full of country glitter and other shit.