The vacation euphoria has finally waned and reality of daily grind has smacked me around a bit. I can tough things out normally, you get attuned to the ebbs and flows of life, but last night I vapor locked as my hubby calls it. I was the deer in the headlights. I could not complete sentences. The bubble I surround myself with burst and all I could do was go to bed and see what I woke up to.
It wasn't like I was diagnosed with some fatal disease. It was the culmination of my own emotional energies around a wide variety of situations and tasks coming at me. A lovely woman from work died leaving her 12 year old son with no parent, I prayed for that boy and cried for him. She was younger than myself, and you feel that" live your dash" tugging at you. A man that used to come to our church passed away, and they needed to use our church for the memorial, we have no pastor currently, so it is a bit of a flurry to get organized, and I wondered about him and his life. We are currently working with Mayo clinic to help a loved one deal with deciphering what physical and mental issues need to be addressed. So many forms and processes to maneuver through. Relatives want this and then that, can you do this? Car needs to get fixed and an oil change. We need groceries, pay bills, need to weedwack those weeds. I need to clean and get ready to host a wedding shower, and looking at the "office mess" put me right over that edge. I wanted to help at VBS this year....Good grief, get a grip girl, this is not that big of a deal!
But my brain, my emotions said slow down, your going too fast, you got to make the morning last girl. I love that groovy song. So before I woke up I asked God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my Angels, Spirit Guides, my Moms, Sis, Friends all in another slice of this or some other dimension to help me, and then I wrote it out here, and that helps. I heard don't overthink it, step back and just be.
So I can see the sunshine coming through the doorway now, asking me to just go stare at the bugs flying in the light for a few moments, birds chatting, and breathe deeply, give those emotions some time to express themselves, breathe.
Dang if Chaos and my bubble didn't collide again. I am grateful for the warning, and the remembrance that the light always soothes my soul, and I can feel I am on way back to some emotional balance for today anyway. I am also going to find some good old tunes to listen to later, those oldies help my emotions find their place. It would also be wise to ask and accept help from those in my own slice of dimension, yes Ma'am, now another piece falls into place!
Life on Gravel
About the Author
City girl sharing stories of a life full of country glitter and other shit.