Living with Death

,I am feeling the full effects of a dear friends recent passing.  It dredges up those I still miss, Mom, Dad, Sis, Step Mom  and a couple of other close friends.   So emotions are running high, tears flow, and I am full of angst today.  I also am sure my feeling physically ill has contributed to my overall dismal mood, so bear with me.

I am caught by surprise again, at how fast a life can slip by, you say a word and that becomes the last word you ever spoke to them.  Knowing the outcome of every single soul on the planet, you would think we would spend more time preparing for it.  That is my quandary today.  I feel all judgemental about how I am living my life and where is my courage to make change.

I spend time with people I am not uplifted by, I love them, but I don't like being around them.  I am overwhelmed with the amount of crap to clean up, spring is here which brings a whole new set of chores for the yard, and I have not finished cleaning the inside of the house, and those kitchen drawers, ugh, and etc, etc, etc,  The office looks like the paper fairy had an absolute meltdown.  I am so tired already.

So I put this blog down for a couple of days, and I let my grief be, and my body rest. I put a blanket on the grass and napped in the sunshine,  I could not do more than that, and I healed a bit.  I feel so much better, still emotional, but i can see the goodness, or Godliness in things again.  Whew, it was a dark few days, I saw worry in my hubby's eyes.

Back to death.  I donated my body to science and am an organ donor, I have an updated will, written out my end of life desires by using 5 Wishes Form, and have a list of my favorite songs to hopefully be played around a bonfire, with sparklers and story telling, melodies swirling with the stardust.  I have no desire to have a burial plot and don't really care where my ashes end up.  We are one. 

So, I sound prepared, but do I live my daily life being me to the fullest, come hell or high-water, kind of, sometimes.  Is that OK? Is it good enough?  This is why I need to connect with the right people.  I am so unbelievably blessed with loving, thoughtful, people in every avenue of my journey.  They inspire, get me to take action, love on me, nurture the Godliness in me, so I can in turn do the same.  My soul nudges my heart and mind to learn, and when I quiet down, and let things flow without interference by my heart and mind, wow, the journey never ceases to amaze me.  I seem to rinse and repeat a lot.

Yes you can roast marshmallows at my bonfire, a bit of bubbly is fine too, and please shake that booty and sway to my favorite tunes.  All is well with my soul.  Good grief, I am tearing up again, and I hear from a moment long ago, my sister laughing at how Fred and Wilma Flintstone can make me cry, such a sisterly memory.  Make more in Loving Kindness with your humans, and all will be well.