The Struggle is Real
Time does not stand still, even when you want it to so badly because you hurt. You need time to sort through grief, pain and shock. You want others to "see" you and comfort you. The struggle happens but does not have to remain. Here is a eulogy I read last Sunday for one of my beloved ones.
An earthly life always provides us, as individuals, a chance to feel and learn something meaningful from them. Her life did that for us and we are better for it.
So, we are sharing some personal info about us. Because love and hurt intertwine. It's a reality we all live in from time to time. When we choose to not “burden” others, we don’t get the communion we could, to thrive, together. We had conversations, to help lessen her load, but the wheels had been in those ruts so long, they could not change course. We are grateful the burden she carried here on earth is gone. We pray you felt her love and can learn a lesson from her life, as we have.
First lesson, forgive yourself, you are going to screw up, supposed to screw up, so you get the opportunity to grow from it “with” your people. Forgiveness is key and it is an inside job
Second, let your messy honest feeling out, and come what may. You deserve to be heard, and realize in truth, in our deepest of hearts, we are the same, the fear of judgement looms in all of us, but it prevents us from the gloriousness of unconditional love from me to you and you to me. Get real, become unburdened and feel the love of a tribe who will lift you up in all ways.
Part of the chaos we humans live in, for some, it is too much to deal with. Thankfully today, we realize "Emotional healing" is a whole different set of programming. It is part of what your human family is for, they trigger us, yet also give us a multitude of opportunities to share and grow. Our own earthly journey's end is upon us. The biggest fear and adventure are being vulnerable to each other. It may not be the fluff we pass in social media, but it is hoping to be heard and loved regardless. It will be uncomfortable, but no burden is worth carrying alone. Simply put share ALL of you.
She loved and was loved. She was intelligent, graduated from a prestigious college, had a career with the Iowa and Hawaii State Bar Association, and was very proud of her work. She loved to travel, when her health allowed, cook interesting things, (banana meatloaf?!), she was a master seamstress, who loved to sew for anyone, and she loved her thousand upon thousands of books! Her garden was magical. Her time in choir was beloved by her as was her church family. I know many were surprised to learn that She did not want the normal funeral arrangements. Her internal struggles with the fear of not being enough or being judged influenced that decision. Yet at the end, we all “knew” what needed to be known and loved each other.
I am sharing from the book “How Shall I Live Knowing I will Die “by Wayne Muller. " In the Christian new testament, the phrase “Be not afraid” is used more than any other. It is useful to recall that the people writing the gospels were being persecuted, arrested, tortured, and murdered. Clearly, they could not possibly have meant, be not afraid-because nothing harmful will ever come to you. Rather, they counseled us to remember always that whatever sorrow or grief, illness or harm is given us, there is within us a tangible presence, a spirit of God that will bear us up, hold us, and keep us strong. Regardless of how we are hurt, our divine nature will help us bear the weight of it".
We love Her, are so grateful for what she could give us and is still giving us as we grow in THIS love together. Love to you all, Love to our imperfect, beautiful, challenging and yet loving family. Contrary to common belief, you can overshare all you want 😊
11/20/2019 10:32:42 pm
You did an amazing tribute for the family and friends!
11/21/2019 04:38:22 pm
10/12/2022 08:12:52 am
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Life on Gravel
About the Author
City girl sharing stories of a life full of country glitter and other shit.